


Steal My Girl

by lilith13



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: One Direction Tours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 23:53:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5560768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilith13/pseuds/lilith13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tina is home for a week for the One Direction farewell tour. Jimmy Pesto JR has just gotten engaged to someone else. Drunkenness and karaoke abound.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steal My Girl

_My heart just pooped its pants._

Tina remembers a lot of things about when she was 13. She remembers how she used to say that all the time. And how it drove Louise crazy. (A lot of things drove Louise crazy, though, so that’s not saying much.) 

Her heart DID just poop its pants. She supposes that’s a logical step to take when the rumored current and definitely childhood best friend of your childhood sweetheart/main squeeze messages you on Facebook (is Facebook still cool? Probably not but Tina Belcher doesn’t care) after having not been heard from in 8 years to say that Jimmy Pesto JR is engaged. ENGAGED, he says. Long gone are the days when Tina would have done something slightly pathetic and definitely melodramatic, but it still brought things up for her, things that she’d thought were buried. (It definitely did not bring back memories of Jimmy Pesto Jr’s butt and speculation about the shape of that butt now. No sir.) 

And Tina would swear she’s not making this up when she tells you that a week later (mostly for nostalgic reasons, but also to make her 13-year-old self happy) she decided to go home for the weekend. It had a lot to do with the fact that she’d be graduated by then and only slightly to do with the fact that One Direction would be passing through there on their farewell tour. (Once a fan of One Direction and butts, always a fan.) She decided she’d stay for a week, since she’d be a college graduate by then and her new apartment in Newark wouldn’t quite be ready yet. And she could check on the restaurant. 

So the flurry of packing and anxiety commenced (or, more likely, continued) unabated. Her things were dispersed, mostly in a storage locker off campus and in the basement of her roommate Nikkie’s crumbling “new” basement. (New in the sense that she’d never lived in said house, not new in the sense of it having just been built. If by just built you mean it was built in 1875 then yes it was just built.) When the packing and moving and putting things in storage were finally finished Tina was amazed to have discovered the ears in a box marked “Attic.” (Amazed that they’d been kept for 10 years and baffled as to how she ended up with them. There was a time when Louise would have skinned anyone who took them alive.) 

She tried not to be nervous on the drive home, while briefly considering (for good luck/courage/confidence/whatever you’d like to call it) wearing Louise’s ears as she drove. She refrained from doing so, to reduce the (unlikely) chances that her sister’s nine-year-old self would materialize and have a crap attack. (They were freshly washed before Tina left, however.) 

When she got home in a lot of ways it was like she never left. (Tina was secretly thrilled to see that Jimmy Pesto’s Pizzeria had downsized. Now there was ANOTHER new store in the same block as the Belcher family restaurant. What is it this time? A recycling company called Wes’ Messes. (But seriously what is it with that building? In the 17 years the family had lived there there had been 48 attempts to rent out the space. Forty eight? Yes. She knows this because Gene made a list once.) 

When Tina got to the restaurant who should appear (while she was parking) but Jimmy Pesto himself. Not Jimmy Pesto JR, fortunately. Not yet, anyway. That would have been too much. But seeing his father helped underline that she should be prepared to see him, even if not right away. 

And then she was home, to be once again surrounded by the 4 other Belchers and everything that entailed. Not ten minutes after Tina arrived she’d agreed (perhaps foolishly) to (after the concert) go karaoke-ing with Louise, Andy, Ollie, and Rudy. (It remained to be seen whether this meant Regular Size Rudy or Other Rudy.) That would probably have happened, too, if the next morning she hadn’t gotten another text from Zeke (the one who told her about Jimmy Pesto JR’s engagement to begin with) inviting her to dinner and (probably) bars. She agreed, on the condition that they also go to the Wharf. (This seemed like a good idea, partly because it might be less awkward than other things and partly because it would allow for detective work about what was still left of the original wharf.) 

Tina never understood till 45 minutes before it started the idea that a) you can’t really relive the past and b) some things are better left in the past. The concert was, how shall I put this, grotesquely disappointing. Leaving aside the fact that 100 people showed up out of the predicted 800, there was no noteworthy merchandise. Not to mention the fact that Zayn had left. All she could think about during the concert (other than that their music –if you can indeed call it music- is better on YouTube) was the first concert she went to, the Boys For Now concert she’d dragged Louise To. (Zeke was heavily involved with that as well, although now he was steadily employed at a garage and so selling bootleg hotdogs was no longer necessary.) She briefly wondered what her thirteen year old self would say and concluded that she’d be a HUGE fan of Harry. But come on, who wouldn’t be? He’s adorable.) 

Maybe pop music is best served in small doses, but the concert seemed a lot shorter than their past performances. Or maybe she was more excited about the Wharf and bars than the show. The tour of Wonder Wharf was postponed till the next day because Zeke “needed a damn drink after listening to that train wreck.” So off they went to Raising The Bar, a (punk) bar/pool hall. And is Tina imagining things or did Zeke suddenly develop an increasing interest in his phone the closer they got to the bar? Perhaps not, since not 15 minutes after they got there a very familiar face materialized. 

Initially (at first) Tina thought she was imagining things and/or projecting (although to be fair she might have done that anyway). But no. No imagining occurred. Jimmy Pesto JR (and a chick who according to Zeke went by Alice) walked in a little before 11. That maybe could have been a coincidence, but the next song that came on was not. And you could have insisted that Alice likes One Direction too, but surely Jimmy Pesto JR would have kept the lyrics the same? J-Jew (to use Zeke’s favorite nickname) would probably have had to be relatively sober to change the lyrics to “Steal My Girl;” why else would he have changed the lyrics to the following: 

_She’s been my queen since we were thirteen_  
We want the same things  
We dream the same dreams alright 

She only stayed for 45 minutes, but it was long enough to watch him (and Zeke) make complete fools of themselves with the karaoke machine. (In honor of the farewell tour and the concert the bar was holding a One Direction night.) Coupled with the wave of moving stress and exhaustion from driving home, Tina decided to call it a night when the neon green drinks made an appearance. Before she left plans were made for lunch the following afternoon (most likely before the expedition to Wonder Wharf) with Zeke and (if he showed up) Jimmy Jr. 

Predictably (and Tina started wondering if this would happen the minute plans were made) ten minutes after she showed up to meet Zeke and Jimmy JR she found out Zeke would first have to leave and then that he would only be staying till Jimmy JR showed up. When Jimmy Pesto JR DID showed up was Tina imagining things, or did he suddenly have trouble meeting her eyes? (That could also have happened yesterday, but now he was –mostly- sober and not in a bar.) 

She was definitely not imagining that he changed the lyrics to “Steal My Girl.” Because he knew it was unlikely they’d exchange words at the bar Jimmy Pesto JR chose that song on purpose. And to acknowledge their history he had changed the lyrics. (It’s still not clear what Alice would say to that.) 

But in a pattern reflective of their history Alice was “kinda not talking to me right now.” She figured out (before Jimmy Pesto JR could put it into words) how he (still) unconsciously felt about Tina and could see that “she is a great girl.” 

What’s in store for Tina and Jimmy Pesto JR? That’s between them, but it will have to begin with a heart to heart between Jimmy JR and Alice. Before he left he promised Tina that he’ll come visit her in Newark in the immediate future. To quote Linda Belcher, _alriiiiiiight_.


End file.
